


Funky Cold Medina

by fireflysglow_archivist



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-03-13
Updated: 2003-03-13
Packaged: 2019-04-29 06:40:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14467137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflysglow_archivist/pseuds/fireflysglow_archivist
Summary: Kaylee picks up a love potion, but can't bring herself to use it. Someone else decides it's not a bad idea.





	Funky Cold Medina

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).

 

Funky Cold Medina

## Funky Cold Medina

### by deementedb

Funky Cold Medina 

Title: FCMedina  
Author: deementedb Email: deementedb@aol.com Rating: R  
Feedback: please  
Disclaimer: Not my toys, just moving them around Note. Heard the old song Funky Cold Medina by Tone Loc the other day and since the other fic I'm writing is getting way too big thought I'd do a short story for a change. I have no beta, sorry. 

Kaylee followed closely behind Simon, they were in a disreputable area known for it's black-market medical supplies. Simon found the particular drug he had been searching for and was consulting the shopkeeper over the remaining supplies he needed. After twenty minutes Kaylee got bored and decided to walk around. She left the shop and strolled down the block looking in windows full of herbs, roots, crystals, and some strange animal parts. She was angry, frustrated, Simon paid little attention to her lately, though she had doubled her efforts to seduce him. She felt he should have more time since River was having more and more good days versus the bad days. There had been a few near successes, a few kisses that always seamed to get interrupted; she was at the end of her rope. Simon was too proper for her to straight out ask him for sex and she kinda wanted him to be the one asking. She dropped hints as big as asteroids but all he would do is look longingly at her and not act on any of her not so subtle invitations. The closest she had got to any action with him was when she got him drunk on Canton. 

She saw a window advertising love potions, she ducked inside. There were a few men milling about the stacks of aphrodisiacs, sex toys and pornography of all sorts, things she had seen before. She was about to leave when she saw a woman come from behind a curtain she thought was oddly placed, she pulled the curtain back to reveal a small room. There was an old woman behind a counter mixing an assortment of ingredients into a small bowl. Kaylee asked about the love potions, the woman asked her about her situation which Kaylee vaguely described emphasizing the mans shyness and proper upbringing. The old woman showed her a vial she swore would work without negative side effects. "Not so much a Love potion, more like a Lust potion." She described saying ten drops in a drink would work wonders on anyone, though she recommended not using water since there was a slight lemon smell. Kaylee thought the price steep and said if it worked she would only need it once. The woman would not sell one dose and Kaylee bought it, though not sure if she would use it. She hurried back to Simon, who was finished with his business, struggling to carry his purchases and look for her. She slipped the vial into her pocket and went to help him. 

Before dinner Kaylee was in her bunk trying to decide whether to use the potion or not. She couldn't be sure it wouldn't have any adverse side affects. She briefly entertained the idea of testing it on herself or Jayne, feeling if anything went wrong Simon would be able to fix it. She put the vial down when she heard the hatch to her room open. River came down smiling, it was one of her good days "Dinner's ready" she announced. Kaylee began to take off her grease covered over-alls. River went to her dresser picking up the vial; she opened it and held it to her nose before Kaylee saw what she was doing. "River! Don't!" she warned. River just smiled at her "Lemons, don't worry non-toxic. Liquid key to big vaults." Kaylee as usual had no idea what she was talking about. "Okay, let's get to dinner fore Captain gets cranky." Kaylee started up the rungs out of her hatch; River pocketed the vial before following her up. 

Dinner was tense. Book and Jayne tried to start conversations but on one was very talkative. Wash and Zoe were in the middle of a two-day spat that had them not speaking to each other unless necessary. Simon was distracted by his purchases and how he would use them to help River. Kaylee was miffed by his disinterest and conflicted over whether she should use the potion. She decided she would try to look it up on the cortex; there was a small label that said FCMedina on it. The Captain and Inara were the only ones talking at the table and they were arguing. Inara had to cancel an appointment with a client when Mal had decided at the last minute to take Simon to the Medical supply instead of where she could safely travel from her shuttle to where her client was. 

River had trouble eating, the emotions around the table were intense, pent up needs manifesting in negative emotions. Though they were a close crew she knew all the things they kept hidden from each other. Kaylee's frustration, Wash's jealousy, The Captain and Inara's stubborn cautious hearts. It was an everyday battle for her, as she gained lucidity under Simon's medications, she fell victim to the underlying sensations the crew felt but rarely showed. Meals were the hardest since they were all together, Simon couldn't understand her lack of appetite. She knew what she had to do. 

Before the meal was over River announced that she was going to make a pot of tea. She had not been much help in the kitchen previously and made a big deal out of performing the task alone. She added some of Kaylee's fruity fresh engine wine into the teapot along with the whole vial of the FCMedina . The crew usually made a show of encouraging normalcy when she showed it, she would not let them differ now. She served the tea and frowned when no one tasted it. Simon finally took a sip "Strangely fruity Mei-Mei, but it's good" he said to the rest of the crew. Everyone began drinking their tea, half way through River refilled Mal's and Simon's cups, smiling at them and thinking they would need extra dose's to get over their inhibitions. "Aren't you having any River?" Simon asked. "Put Kaylee's wine in." She offered as an excuse. "It's not strong, it will be alright this once." Simon assured. She reluctantly poured herself a cup. Jayne stared at her till she took a sip. "Did you add lemon to this?" Book asked. 

An hour later River prowled the corridor's tracking other crewmembers, she no longer cared about their reactions, she was strictly in it for herself. She had an overwhelming need to feel the feelings of vicarious lust. Usually Zoe and Wash provided them for her, she went towards the bridge seeking them out, hoping they were no longer squabbling. They weren't. A few feet from the entrance she spied Zoe on Wash's lap, not an uncommon sight. She immediately tuned in to what they were doing, Wash had pulled Zoe's top up; her bras had been removed and was lay on the floor. River fought from moaning when Wash began licking and sucking at his wife's breast. Her head fell back, as Zoe's had and the strong sensations pulsing through her started a throbbing heat and moisture between her legs. Her hand ran over her own cloth clad breast, the blood beating loud in her ears, she didn't even notice the Captain behind her till he spoke "Whatcha up to girl.?" He saw what she saw and only said "Oh". They both watched till Zoe's hand started stroking her husband through his pants. River did moan then and stepped back into the Captain, who didn't move away. He watched the married couple for minutes unconsciously inhaling the scent of River's hair which was right under his nose. He didn't even realize how aroused he was till he felt River push into him, pressing into the erection he wasn't even aware he had. He tore his gaze from the increasingly hot make-out session in the bridge, grabbed River's arm dragging her away. He shouted back towards the bridge loudly "Get a Room!" He and River avoided each other's eyes as he told her to move on. Mal left feeling his cheeks redden as he realized what they had been doing. River watched from down the corridor as Wash and Zoe rushed toward their room. 

She was still feeling unfulfilled as she sought out the other crewmembers. She passed Simon in the corridor; he had a towel with him obviously headed toward the shower. He asked her "Is it unusually hot in here? It's very uncomfortable, can't concentrate. Have you seen Kaylee?" River shook her head; she couldn't stay feeling Simon's confusion as he fought what he was feeling. "River, you looked flushed, are you feeling alright?" She assured him that she was fine and that she would look for Kaylee. Simon headed for the shower hoping cold water would help him. 

River ended up on the catwalk over the cargo bay watching Jayne and Book working out. Jayne was shirtless lying on the bench press with an impressive number of weights on the barbell. She crept down the stairs mesmerized by the flexing muscles, glistening with perspiration, the grunts coming with each pump of his arms; equally impressive was the bulge prominent in his shorts. She tore her gaze away for a moment noticing Shepard Book uncomfortably staring past Jayne, she followed the line of his vision to see Kaylee straddling a bench, gently rocking as she seemed hypnotized by the sight of Jayne's workout. River slipped unnoticed down the stairs coming behind Kaylee. River closed her eyes as Kaylee's fevered longings washed over her, strengthening her own. She swayed on her feet enjoying the tingle spreading throughout. River and Kaylee's were jolted from their swooning by the clank of the barbells as Book pulled them into their cradle. Jayne sat up quickly, shorts riding up exposing him. Kaylee gasped. "What the hell's that about preacher? I ain't done" Jayne complained. Jayne looked at Book who was still watching Kaylee. Book mumbled some sort of apology as he fled the cargo bay, saying he was going to his bunk. 

Jayne just then noticed Kaylee and the way she was staring at him, He knew women and the way Kaylee was looking at him was definitely explicit. Kaylee was about to go to him when River laid her hand on the mechanics shoulder. Kaylee jumped not noticing her till then. "Simon's in the shower, he probably needs some help." River said "Huh?" was all Kaylee could say till she looked at River, she saw the same need in the younger girls eyes that she was feeling. "Simon doesn't see me that way," she explained "I think he would be receptive right now, he had two cups of tea," River said. Enlightenment flashed through Kaylee "You didn't! Oh my God, River." River nodded. Kaylee looked at Jayne who was now leering at her. "Go to Simon, Kaylee. It's done. Now's your chance." River prompted. Kaylee nodded, she whispered to River "Come up with me, you shouldn't be alone with Jayne" River felt Jayne's desire pulsing off him in waves, she agreed and went up the stairs with Kaylee. 

Jayne was suddenly overwhelmed by his need; here they were, deep in space with no outlet besides his own hand. He had been positive that Kaylee would have returned to his bunk with him. The fact that she was hot for the Doc didn't seem to matter. Though it was irrational he thought of the stash of money he had in his bunk, ready and willing to offer it all to Inara if she would forgo her rule on servicing crew. Little did he know that Inara was struggling with that rule herself at that moment. She had a small voice of experience telling her that what she was feeling was not natural yet the raging need in her ignored that. She rarely lusted after her clients and often thought of a certain tight panted Captain when servicing them. She knew her logic was skewed but thinking that whatever was affecting her would be affecting him; she plotted what to do, what to say to get him in her bed. She didn't think she could wait for it to pass, her body was insistent, demanding release. She was near ecstatic when she heard a pounding on her shuttle door. She ran and threw the door open sure it was Mal; she ran right into the arms of a lust crazed Jayne, wearing only his shorts, fists full of money. She looked him over wondering why she never noticed how strong and sexy he looked. 

"Nara, ya gotta help me" Jayne pleaded. 

She knew it wasn't Mal but she still pressed against him moaning "I thought you were..." 

"I know. Pretend, call me his name, don't care. Need." Jayne pushed against her, near begging and seeing the possibility of it in her eyes. 

Before either of them could do more they heard Mal behind Jayne "Back off Jayne, let her go" they heard the whirl of the weapon Mal held on Jayne. 

Jayne growled "Mal, ya don't understand." 

Mal said "Believe me I do" Mal looked at Inara who backed away. 

"Mal don't. I think we were drugged." She said. 

"What!? Well that would explain some things." Jayne said looking between the two. 

"Git" Mal ordered as Mal entered Inara's shuttle pushing the larger man out with the wave of his gun. 

Jayne looked longingly at Inara "Can I come back when you're done?" 

Mal didn't answer but closed the door in Jayne's face. He holstered his gun looking Inara up and down "so you think we were drugged.?" He asked advancing towards her, she didn't back away. 

"Yes but I don't seem to care at the moment." She said. 

He was face to face with her, eyes locked on hers "We got rules, can't break them." He roughly encircled her waist and pulled her to him. 

"I know, but you owe me." She sighed wrapping a leg around his hip. 

"Do I now? How you figure?" his other hand ran along her raised leg, hooking it under the knee and pulling her closer still. 

"You cost me a client, you owe me a horny man." She said, her hands snaking around his neck and clasping together. 

"Well if you insist. I can call Jayne back" he taunted her leaning in to drag his tongue across her exposed neck. 

She moaned "Well... if you can't do the job yourself.." 

Mal pushed her leg down, he backed her to the edge of her bed where he pushed her, knocking her on her back. He took his shirt off watching as a smile played on her lips, he unbuckled his gun belt, and then started on his pants "I always pay my debts. One horny man coming up." 

Jayne stomped back towards his bunk. He paused in front of Kaylee's door. He heard Simon and Kaylee obviously in the middle of hot, noisy sex. He groaned as he realized Inara was right about the drugging. He was angry as he guessed who and how it was done. What he couldn't figure out was where she had got it she hadn't been off the ship in weeks. His plan was to drop his money back at his bunk and head off to the showers to try and dampen the steel standing flush against his belly. He climbed down his hatch cursing that the room was in darkness, he crossed to his nightstand switching the light on. He jumped back cursing when he saw River sitting on his bed. 

"Crazy Gorram girl, this is all your doin " he said angrily at her. 

She took no notice of his anger, showing no fear she stood, bracing a hand on his broad bare chest she leaned in and licked across a nipple. He pushed her away causing her to sit on his bed again. 

"You moon brained brat, what you think you're doin?" His anger had faded to conflicted amazement. 

River slowly looked him over hungrily finally looking into his eyes she licked her lips "Salty" was all she said. 

Jayne stared at her "You shouldn't be here it ain't safe for little girls, don't want me to hafta teach ya a lesson." 

She rose and trailed her finger from his shoulder down his chest, over his stomach. "I'm a fast student." She purred. 

Jayne saw the look in her eyes "Don't think yer ready for what I wanna teach ya." He leered at her. 

River looked directly into his eye's "Oh I'm ready, I'm sooo ready Jayne try me." 

Jayne groaned at her "I shouldn't" 

River quickly pulled her dress over her head leaving her wearing only small white panties "Don't be a tease Jayne, you know what I'm doing here." 

Jayne closed his eye's losing the battle to throw her out of his bunk. She pressed against his body her hand slipping inside his shorts, encircling his hard member. 

Minutes later they were both naked on Jayne's bed. She straddled him slowly taking him inside her, any pain of the new experience seemed overridden by the urgency the drug created in her. "How long this stuff last?" Jayne asked panting. River slowly rocked on him "Not the right question." She answered feeling the vibes from all the ships occupants flowing freely for once, it was an exhilarating pure feeling that seemed to be building into a crescendo inside her. "Right" Jayne said, "Where can we get some more?" 

The end 

#### If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to deementedb


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